On Her blog today, Rebecca P. discussed littering, which is a disgusting, environmentally damaging behavior.
I told Her that I agreed. But I also stated that I find an inexplicable attraction in seeing Women litter. I had a post, one little post about that earlier this year on this blog.
Rebecca, quite rightly, stated that She finds me to be confusing, for "enjoying Women engaging in marginal or unacceptable behaviors" while I claim to esteem Women so highly.
All the way home, Her words have bothered me, because I sense Her discomfort, perhaps even Her revulsion. I value Her contributions to this blog and I also value Her opinion about me.
I am choosing to have this discussion on this blog, because I initiated the discussion uninvited with my post to Her blog, and I don't want to track any mud, so to speak, into Her house. In other words, She or may not want to see the word capnolagnia, whatever, on Her site or to have this discussion there and I utterly respect that.
As this blog of mine has progressed, I have posted less and less about those things from my hidden closet. Lance, the first blogger to discuss this with me, would probably call that lamentable. It's as if this blog is beginning more and more to become as I am in real life -- a nice, ordinary guy with an odd but harmless secret -- and less and less a confessional.
Believe me, Rebecca, my closet troubles me. I hasten to add that I would be even more disturbed and conflicted if I enjoyed the possible consequences of the two fetishes that I have -- a Woman suffering smoking-related health consequences or a fine for being caught littering.But such things bring me absolutely no enjoyment.
Perhaps my ... confusing closet simply reflects an extreme version of the very common male attraction to "bad Girls," which rarely if ever encompasses the consequences of such behavior. It is as if the brain sets that aside. When You smoked in Your past, Rebecca, did You not, at least temporarily, set aside all the possible consequences of Your smoking and live in the moment, as irrational as such behavior might be?
And You Ladies know that You tend to like bad boys, too.
Rebecca, perhaps these personal conflicts or inconsistencies are more common than some people realize. There are pious believers out there who every now and then doubt the existence of God, for example.
Please know that I respect You very much and I hope that this blog of mine, as it continues to develop and mature, will be valuable to You, not a source of discomfort.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Rebecca is right
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10 comments:
I think we can only be what we are.
Do you have a choice in what attracts you? No.
Does that mean littering is good? No.
What it means is that it takes all kinds to make the world go 'round and we have a choice in how we deal with those different than ourselves - respect or other.
You are both so very right.
Adena, Your last paragraph especially rings true. When it was just Lance here, another guy,who understood the sometimes weird and wacky world of guy thoughts, it didn't matter much what I said -- then You came along, "cool" with what I wrote too -- then I invited others in, others who I have come to respect as well, and now the risk of someone leaving in disgust has multiplied.
the brain ...setting aside the awareness of the consequences...(to paraphrase) is a very astute observation of human behavior, ECD.
The greatest gift I ever gave to myself was the awareness that I was not required to be 'perfect'.
I am prone to DO those things that I tell my self I "can't", or "shouldn't" do, almost insuring that I will do them. Knowing that 'not being perfect' is OK, I find myself less apt to say "can't" or "shouldn't" to myself, de-fusing my tendancy to sabotage myself. Does it always work? Nobody's perfect...:)
Yes, Lance has been somewhat quiet lately.
Thank You, Leslie, and Adena for Your additional comments.
I guess what I'm trying to say, and it's taken me two or three of these posts to get it right, is that a) I could be reading way too much into one little response of Rebecca's to a comment of mine. b) if I'm not reading too much into it, then I understand why She would feel that way but I hope that we can still be blog-friends, because I'm about as normal and harmless as a bowl of mashed potatoes and butter.
Please do not be offended, but I must ask. I am intrigued by your use of capitals on all pronouns, for while it is quite delightful to be referred to when you comment on my posts as You, which implies a kind of godliness which I surely lack, I am nevertheless confused.
I wonder if you were perhaps frightened in your childhood by too much ee cummings, and made the decision to become the anti-cummings.
Thank you (or You) for helping Me to understand this quaint habit of yours.
With great respect and affection,
Me
Dear HISF,
May I refer you to the following post that might explain away some of your doubts?
Heart: Trisia is quicker on the keyboard than I am!
It is simply my way of indicating my respect for Your Femininity.
Trisia: Thanks!
I am sitting here with a huge smile on my face. I knew there had to be a good reason, but as a fairly new reader, I hadn't seen the old post in which you explained this.
Thank you for your indulgence, and thank you, Trisia, for guiding me to Eastcoaster's lovely explanation.
I'm so glad I asked.
For the religiously-inclined on this blog, please note that this simple token of my respect for Women is not meant to insult Deity -- He gets capitalized, too, as often as I can remember to do so.
Rather, as noted on the bottom of my page, I can't think of a more obvious sign that a perfect Creator has been at work than the existence of Women.
You pointed out to me that Benjamin Franklin capitalized nouns, too. I like that.
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