Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Things I want to do before I die

Be pooped on by a passing seagull.

Of course I'm not serious. But it happened yesterday regardless.

I have been to the beaches of Panama, England, Hawaii, Maryland, New Jersey, Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, California and Washington.

I have been stung by jellyfish, pinched by crabs, pounded by killer waves, slashed by coral and nauseated by various dead things observed in the vicinity.

But until yesterday, I had never, in all my life, been pooped on by a seagull.

And of all the indignities, it happened not at the beach but in the grocery store parking lot.

Greenish white filth that probably began as filth in the first place hit my jacket with all the force of a paintball and ended any sympathy I might have had for the stupid flock of seagulls trying tenaciously to rest in the middle of the adjacent road.

Why did the Creator make the one animal that regularly inhabits the space above all our heads, the one with the worst bowel habits?

3 comments:

chipazoid said...

I got pooped too.

I hate seagulls. Their shit's like missiles.

Epimenides said...

Did you know that being pooped by a bird is considerred good luck in Greece? Did you win a @£$%load of money the next day? :)

eastcoastdweller said...

No, Ep, I never find anything more valuable than an American quarter (I'm not sure how that compares to a Euro or your old drachma).

My dad did find $60 in a grocery store parking lot last month. I was with him but he saw it an instant before I did and dived for it before my slow brain had fully registered its presence.

Maybe that was supposed to be MY good luck, long-delayed.