My ten greatest flaws

I wonder if some of you out there in blogworld might think that I am a little pretentious, even a little bit holier than thou, because I have laid bare on this blog some of my idiosyncracies, especially most recently.

So I thought I would counter that by listing what I believe to be my ten greatest flaws. Other people might have different suggestions.

1) I tend to get obsessive about things that I really like.

2) I can be very judgmental.

3) I am often quite impatient, even with my nearly-perfect Sweetie. I have exiled myself to the couch on many nights -- She would never send me there.

4) I have a terrible phobia of needles and other sharp things.

5) I accumulate clutter.

6) I have trouble dealing with authority figures.
7) I drive too fast.

8) I have a temper. It takes a little while to stoke it but it can be intense, although I can say my fists never get involved.

9) I am not good at understanding directions (as in how to do things. Navigation I am very good at.)

10) I am a life-long, probably incurable capnolagniac and a Female litterbug-niac.

11) I'm not good at math. (See?)

I fall short

I opened today's edition of our metropolitan newspaper and saw a familiar name.

One of their staff writers now has a regular column in the pages.

I felt an old stab of jealousy, sharp as a needle's prick.

This, blog readers, is evidence of my very flawed, very mortal status.

I have written at length -- no doubt, quite annoying length -- about my personal adoration of Womankind. But I haven't told you that this adoration is an ideal in which many times I fall short.

True, not since I was a child fighting with my sister have I laid an angry hand on any Female -- and many any and all the gods there be, smite with instant death if ever I do. True, my adoration of Womankind is absolutely sincere.

But from time to time in the corporate world, I have had to compete against Women and when They have won, my weaker side resents it -- albeit, in my defense, just as much as if a man had bested me.

This writer got the job I wanted at that newspaper. Then She got a dream assignment there at which I know I would have excelled. Today, I see that She will have a column reaching thousands of people every week. I could have done that, I would love to have done that.

But I take the hands of my soul and wrap them around the throat of Jealousy within me and choke him away.

I've met Her in person. She's beautiful, intelligent and hard-working, a Woman indeed.To my soul, I say: "She has earned every honor and privilege that She has obtained, by sheer competence. You are hereby ordered to be glad for Her and to praise Her publicly the next time Her name comes up in a conversation."

So, Ms. M.B. -- revelation of Your beautiful name would compromise my anonymity, else I would gladly post it here -- congratulations. With my heart now purged of unworthy, chauvinistic jealousy, I hereby, with utmost sincerity, cheer Your success. You've earned it, for that paper is very careful in its selection process. I promise to read Your column regularly and be a faithful fan.