The most useless person in the world

Pop quiz:

Which is the most useless category of human being on the planet?

a) People who create spam email.

b) People who collect dried nasal mucus for fun.

c) People who waste the public's tax dollars prowling the roads to enforce arbitrary automobile speed limits.

Correct answer: c.

If I'm going to get a ticket, give it to me for actually speeding. As in, the kind of speed resulting in rattling the stop-signs I blow past, burning out my engine governor, sucking down migrating geese, or something.

Not 41 in a 25 zone, nowhere near a school, a residential neighborhood or anything remotely resembling one. Little old grannies go 41. Kids on skateboards go 41. There's probably a guy somewhere in the world who can run that fast on foot.

The next bozo that calls me asking for a donation to the police fund for this or that, is going to get the phone slammed down in his or her ear. Not that I would ever donate anyway -- bunch of morons with toy guns playing roadway hero. People do donuts all night long around our neighborhood and drag race so loud you can hear it two counties over, but a cop can't be found to do a thing about it. Somebody shot out my back driver's side window a few months ago, but no cop could be spared to do a damn thing.

There are things people should be punished for. Road rage. Jackrabbiting. Making five lane changes in as many seconds. Driving drunk. Driving naked while high on acid.

My brother has a radar jammer. I want a radar jammer. I want it so bad.