Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Incident Report

I crouched upon the top of a step-ladder, screwing a hook into the wood to hang the new wind chimes at the in-laws' house.

Hard as a fist, hard as the blow from a baseball bat, something struck me on the side of the head.

My attacker was the fast-spinning wooden blade of the porch fan, which had lashed out at my cranium's crass and clueless invasion of its orbit.

So I sat there for a while that afternoon, in the muggy porch heat, holding an ice-pack to my head, musing upon my talent for clumsiness -- a lifetime of broken toes, broken ankles, sprains, gashes, burns and concussions.

I am back at my work desk now, with a decent-sized gash upon my temple, contemplating. Years back, a little Girl, God forgive Her for She knew not what She did, whispered to a friend as I passed by, that I looked a lot like Frankenstein. Today, I am a little closer to that ideal. Maybe I will have a manly scar from it all and I can blame it on a bar-room brawl. Ya shoudda seen da other guy.

And not being a big-time celebrity, this may be the only time in my life I can report, that I was assaulted by a fan.


BraveHeart said...

only if you had it on video..
with this on video and your commentary, could probably win the first price for the funniest.

Eastcoastdweller said...

Perhaps if I had fallen off the stool, face-first over the porch into the flower-bed, that would have made a great entry on America's Funniest Home Videos.

Janice Thomson said...

Thanks for a smile this morning :)

Molly said...

Glad you survived being assaulted by a fan! Thanks for the giggle from another of the accident prone!

Chase March said...


Fans are a menace! What are they doing outside on a porch anyway? Who ever heard of such a thing?

Anyway, glad to see you survived your encounter.

Anonymous said...

Hahaha. Sorry to laugh at your misfortune but it was a funny and witty post. You might want to stay away from helicopters though, their blades pack way more punch and slicing power.

Eastcoastdweller said...

Chase, it gets so miserably, horribly hot down here that without a fan going, even a shaded porch feels like Satan's Spa and Pedicure Salon.